Not many people will tell you what a turning point 25 rotations around the sun really is. The pressure is on to fit into the mold that was so lovingly gifted to you by your parents, friends, society, and those “Joneses” everyone is always talking about.
It can be a non-stop carousel of, “go to school, find a career, get married, buy a house, and have 2.5 kids.” Going home for the holidays becomes about setting boundaries with family members who are well-intentioned but also just plain nosy, and questioning your life choices is a daily occurrence.
Contrary to popular belief, a constant state of panic does not have to be your new normal. Below, I’ve compiled a list of things that would have helped ease my nerves before I joined the quarter century club.
- Twenty-Five isn’t that old
When I was a kid, I thought 25 was ancient. Now that I’m 25, I realize that even those in my age group who pretend to have it together, more often than not, don’t. We’re all still kids trying to navigate this constantly changing world. The only way to relieve some of that societal pressure we all face is for us to be honest about that. Sure, some of us are married with kids with the white picket fence, but others are single, apartment-dwellers who are learning to invest; We all deserve some grace to figure things out.
- Your 20’s can be some of the most valuable and pivotal years of your life
While that idea can be intimidating, let’s break that down into bite-sized pieces. You don’t know everything about your life, but you do know some things.
Right now, you know what’s making you happy and what isn’t. Do your friends take advantage of you? Go find new friends in better spaces who value you. Do you know that you want to get married? Jump on dating apps, join organizations, or let your best friend finally set you up on that blind date. That person won’t show up at your door with flowers tomorrow.
If you want to be a homeowner someday, I suggest working out a budget and a plan to become financially stable enough to meet that goal. Want to be a parent? Learn to better interact with your sibling’s or friend’s children and ask them for advice, so you can be more prepared for the future.
We live in a world where you can go back to school at 65 or adopt a child at 42 if you so choose, and that is a beautiful thing, but wouldn’t it be better if we started taking baby steps towards what we want now, so we can get there and enjoy those things sooner?
- The value of relationships
Making friends when you are young is easy enough. You are either in the same class or have a similar hobby, etc. As a working adult who has to make sure you are eating, sleeping, and taking care of yourself in general, making friends can end up being last on your to-do list, but it is so important.
The people you let into your life will shape you whether you are paying attention or not, so make them count. Your support system should be people who add value to your life and make you feel seen. They should be encouraging and kind, not energy-suckers who use you when they need you, but ditch you when it’s the other way around. Choose your friends, and others you allow into your social bubble, wisely.
- If you decide to get married, do not marry for love alone
Love is a beautiful thing, but when it is coupled with inconsistency, lack of trust, and not being on the same page with goals and dreams in life, it is a recipe for resentment and ultimately, divorce. Your partner is the one who you will build your life with, and if you decide to take that leap with someone who wants to take a different path than yourself, you are choosing to either give up your wants and desires for them or a relationship that crashes and burns.
Love is not enough. Marrying solely for love is like building your own prison. Trust, communication, and the ability to support one another are vital characteristics of a partner that allow you to live a life that feels freeing.
Choosing to be happy alone or dating while you continue to grow into the person you want to be and learning what you want is the best move at 25. Don’t allow yourself to fall in love with and marry someone who could hold you back from the future you truly desire and from finding someone who can better help you in that life later.
- Take time to get to know you
It’s easy – especially as women – to end up in a relationship where you seek joy solely in making sure that your partner is happy. While serving your partner is an important part of marriage, it can’t be the only thing. You have your own individual purpose too.
Now is the time to figure out what makes you light up. Dig deep and, as cheesy as this sounds, find out who you really are. What are your passions and interests? Just because your parents made you play piano as a child, doesn’t make that your passion. Try things that you’ve always been drawn to or things outside of your comfort zone. Try anything!
I would hate for you to live life for everyone else and forget to live yours.
- Live life from a growth mindset, not fixed
There’s one major thing that separates those who reach their goals and those who throw in the towel: mindset. I’m sure you hear about “fixing your mindset” on a daily basis now that it’s a trending topic amongst Millennials and Gen Z alike. But it’s life changing.
Having a growth mindset means that you believe that you can grow in any area of your life and refuse to let people, even yourself, keep you from your dreams. These people ask, “How can it be done?” rather than “Can it be done?.” Alternatively, a fixed mindset is what you find in people who have given up. They say things like, “That’s not for me” or “I’m not smart/creative/cool enough for *fill in the blank*.”
These are pivotal years. Choose to continue to chase the best version of you until you get there, because you can get there.
- Dreams aren’t always what we think they will be
It’s normal to change direction, change your mind, or change everything altogether. You can have your life completely mapped out from cradle to grave, but when you get there, it may not look or feel like you thought. That’s ok!
Dream a new dream and create a life that is fulfilling and freeing. Being in your 20’s (and 30’s too!) means exploring and searching for those people, hobbies, and careers that fit. No matter what your parents, friends, or grandma says, now is not the time to settle. Living the rest of your life not knowing what *fill in the blank* could have looked like is the worst kind of regret.
- Make a bucket list and start checking things off
Many people decide to wait until they are older, empty-nesters, or retirees, before doing the things in life that they really want to do. Don’t be that person. Those years are not guaranteed.
If you want to run a full marathon or travel the world, age 65 – or 35 as newly weds trying to make house payments – may not be the age to do it. Take advantage of your lack of roots and go do the thing. There is never a better time.
- Now is the time to invest
Investing can be a scary thing with everything going on in the world, but it truly is the only path to retirement. Long gone are the days that a pension would be waiting for you at the end of your 30-40 year career. As the job market has shifted in the past 40 years, so have the strategies of the workforce. We millennials now have to job hop every few years just to get paid what we deserve, and we must also prepare for our own retirements through investing in 401ks, Roth IRAs, mutual funds, stocks, etc.
Statistics show that the average amount of time that your money needs to compound over time to give you enough to retire is 40 years. Do the research and create a plan of action to ensure you don’t have to work for the rest of your life. There are so many resources out there written for millennials by millennials, so there’s no more excuses!
- Take care of yourself
You’ve seen them. The elderly people who you know didn’t take care of themselves. They smoked a pack a day or never worked out, and they looked like it. They have lower quality of life and higher pain levels that could have been avoided had they taken better care of themselves.
Don’t become that person!
This is the perfect time to start taking the vitamins, changing your diet, and finally, joining that gym. Take classes at the yoga studio. Find a therapist to work through that stuff that will inevitably make you a crotchety, old person whose street everyone avoids.
Whatever your feelings about turning 25, just know that you are not alone. Anxiety, excitement, and insecurity are all a part of getting older. Take a step back and a deep breath. Know that many others before you have navigated this time and lived to tell the tale. Live your life and be grateful that you get to age into the best version of you.